he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
this hospital has no fireball
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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