My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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