I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
