dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
