Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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