I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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