can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
