i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
