.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
