Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
