Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
