Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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