The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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