I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
