in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
