I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
