hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
