Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
