We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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