Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
