4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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