I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize