Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
