My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize