Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
