i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
from now on my penis is your penis
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
