Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
