i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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