Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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