good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
