i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
