Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
