He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
