that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think my tv is drunk
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
