Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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