I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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