these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
