she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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