Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
