Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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