his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
