dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
