I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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