Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
