Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I think my vagina is haunted

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(301): View more from Maryland

did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

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(850): View more from Florida

Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1

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(343): View more from Ontario

The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.

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(949): View more from California

I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth

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