Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
