I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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