She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
