A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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