absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
