haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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