I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
