Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
