She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
