I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
