I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
