I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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