3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
