I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
