the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
