I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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