theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
