So drunk its hurt
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
