How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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