Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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