I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
