Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
