i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
