can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
